Hi kids!
December 26, 2008
This is my third attempt to write this letter. I have promised You Mom and Dad that I would write it.
I am still not sure what I can write. I am, for obvious reasons, not able to write in great detail about my family. In any case You have an uncle. His name is Oleg. You also have two cousins, as far as I know. I haven't talked to my family since 2003 so I am not sure how they are or what they are doing. 
I guess I could tell You a bit about myself. I was born and raised in Russia. On the beautiful coast of Black Sea. My childhood was not a very happy one, but it was full of awesome adventures. In 1995 I was able to escape to Canada and have been here ever since.
I was told to say something memorable about myself, but I am not very good with that so I am sorry if it's kind of garbled. I was raised in a very violent place. And I too was violent. People who were my friends got my complete loyalty. However if someone back stabbed me or threatened me or those I cared about received no pity. I had done some good things despite being vicious. When I was about 11 I have saved a girl's live. She was drowning at the local beach. None noticed. Actually I barely even noticed. I was actually looking at passing boat when I saw a hand flailing out of the water. I jumped after her and pulled her up. I also always believed in helping those who are weaker. The only time I attacked someone weaker than I am is when he stole something from me. Enough self promotion.
My life before You guys does not matter in reality. Until You guys came into my life I have never known what it is like to be loved. You guys have changed me beyond recognition. When Your Mama got pregnant I couldn't contain myself. I sang to her tummy pretty much all the time. Julie the day that You were born I was afraid to hold 
You as I was afraid to brake You. This is from the guy who, before that, didn't give a second thought about beating someone within an inch of his life. When you were born I was the only one in the room who had spare arms to hold You. You were screaming Your little head off. The doctor gave You to me and I started singing a song to You that I used to sing to Your mama's tummy. And You quieted right away. That was the moment I realized how precious life is. It was amazing.
I know no words to describe how I feel about the two of You. From the time that I met Your Mama until I said my final good-byes to You I haven't gotten depressed even once. Despite all the stress that had befallen us. Normally, as You might know, I am clinically depressed person. That's how amazing of an affect You all had on me.
I truly love You and miss You. At times I do wish that I took an offer of taking You guys to Russia, but I truly believed that given a chance Your Mama would change and everything would work out. I don't hold her responsible for what happened. I am the one who made that choice. So it is my fault that our family fell apart.
I want You to know that I did not give up on You. I would have never agreed to adoption except for the fact that I did not want the thing to drag on for another 4-5 years. I truly hope that I made the right choice and hope that you forgive me for not being a better father.
I was going to write a longer letter with more details, but I simply cannot handle that. I am sorry. I wish You all the best and then some.
I love You.
