Sergey's personal crap » Life

…but i did confirm to myself that when …

Sergey — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 05:17:00 +0000

…but i did confirm to myself that when I feel crossed I am very quick to strike back. Guess haven’t lost that touch. That’s how I used to be. I give someone a chance or two and if they still are crossing me or hurting me I have no problem with destroying them. You see there is no need to dirty your hands with physical violence. One doesn’t even have to talk to the offender. It’s so easy to make someone… well i ain’t telling you.

every time i finish a project i get depr …

Sergey — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 05:34:38 +0000

every time i finish a project i get depressed and so damn bored. even if it’s only been a couple of hours. will see if I can get another one started.

fell into a trap again. i know that i sh …

Sergey — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 03:44:44 +0000

fell into a trap again. i know that i shouldn’t listen to that music, but i couldn’t resist. all the feelings are backing up on me again. FUCK. I really wish I could just turn them off. I wish I could forget everything. i wish i could go back to what i was. i would rather be doing all that stuff again rather than feel this. I hate love, i HATE it. if I could change one day, just one, i would change a day in may, 2002. yes I wish i never met your mother and i certainly wish i never decided to help her. but there is a paradox there. isn’t it? I do not regret having you. it was the best time of my life and certainly the only time i actually felt alive. nothing i did before or since gave me actual purpose or pleasure.
i did track down your mother and those responsible for what happened, but i decided against retribution. Something in me did change. Before I wouldn’t even have given it a second thought. but ever since i first looked into your eyes i just can’t do the same things.
but i do regret the fact that i met your mother and of course if it was someone else you wouldn’t be you.

Second day of a migraine. They come more …

Sergey — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 20:22:18 +0000

Second day of a migraine. They come more and more often now and stay longer. Used to get one once in a while and for only a few hours. This is probably the sixth this month and again it’s on for two days. I tried taking pills, cold shower, ice and nothing works so far. Tried ignoring it, but it just gets worse. Like it knows what I am doing. I am going to try to knock myself out. Just gotta be careful I don’t give myself anymore of a brain damage than there already is. Don’t know what else I can do. Just wish that thing in my head would decide already whether it wants to kill me or not. Been there for years and all it does is cause me a lot of pain. Apparently I am not rich enough for doctors to do anything about it.
Maybe I should just take over a hospital. God knows I got nothing to loose if I fail.

NASA came out with their own game. Moonb …

Sergey — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 15:49:00 +0000

NASA came out with their own game. Moonbase Alpha – http://www.moonbasealphagame.com/. I haven’t played it yet, but I am gonna give it go.

Seating on that much money is so temptin …

Sergey — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 12:40:35 +0000

Seating on that much money is so tempting, but I can’t spend a penny of it. Could really use it for the project though. I suspect even that much won’t be enough to fully get it off the ground.

Lost bunch of money. Goddamnit. not the …

Sergey — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:19:20 +0000

Lost bunch of money. Goddamnit. not the right time for this

She asked me on a date. We did agree fro …

Sergey — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 21:49:18 +0000

She asked me on a date. We did agree from the start that it ain’t gonna go beyond just a casual “bump”. Now she went and ruined it. I guess it’s over now. I wouldn’t feel weird if we just pretend like that didn’t happen, but knowing that she wants to go beyond that will be off putting. She is a nice women and damn that body is hot, but I really don’t wanna go further with anyone. I am too tired of all that drama. Plus I am just too hung up on the past.

Had to reinstall windows again. Installe …

Sergey — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:47:34 +0000

Had to reinstall windows again. Installed 64Bit version this time. Still can’t figure out what was keeping that virus hidden. I had on the machine for a couple of days before it suddenly started working. made the mistake of not taking precautions this time. Completely messed up the system. I really need another computer just for messing around.

it’s getting worse. feels like an eleph …

Sergey — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 00:02:44 +0000

it’s getting worse. feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest