Sergey
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08:44:44 pm on July 24, 2010 | # | |
fell into a trap again. i know that i shouldn’t listen to that music, but i couldn’t resist. all the feelings are backing up on me again. FUCK. I really wish I could just turn them off. I wish I could forget everything. i wish i could go back to what i was. i would rather be doing all that stuff again rather than feel this. I hate love, i HATE it. if I could change one day, just one, i would change a day in may, 2002. yes I wish i never met your mother and i certainly wish i never decided to help her. but there is a paradox there. isn’t it? I do not regret having you. it was the best time of my life and certainly the only time i actually felt alive. nothing i did before or since gave me actual purpose or pleasure.
i did track down your mother and those responsible for what happened, but i decided against retribution. Something in me did change. Before I wouldn’t even have given it a second thought. but ever since i first looked into your eyes i just can’t do the same things.
but i do regret the fact that i met your mother and of course if it was someone else you wouldn’t be you.